My transition from Nihilism to Nationalism. This short piece is about an average “millennial” New Zealander’s journey from oblivious nihilistic consumption, to a new existence of knowledge, purpose, and nationalism. I just want to share a few of my experiences on this journey and some of the things I have learned along the way. I bet a lot of people have felt this way or have had similar experiences and I just want to make it clear, it is not too late to get on the right path.
It was November 2016, I was in the American city of Chicago. I was flying back after watching the All Blacks lose to Ireland. I was watching the television in that airport and CNN was playing the USA presidential election. I remember sitting there saying to myself, what the hell is this all about? It was absolutely crazy watching the television that day, seeing and listening to all the hype and emotion of the whole thing. Watching talking heads parroting their propaganda. Some of which I am all too familiar with today, such as the vacuous tropes that are put forward about white supremacy and extremism by such media outlets. I just laughed about it back then not thinking much of it. Little did I know that day in that airport would change my whole outlook on life forever. Trump won and it set the motion for the next stage for the biggest red pill of my life.
I was never at all political or aware of the things I know today. I grew up in a traditional white bourgeois middle-class family in New Zealand. My ancestors were some of the first settlers in New Zealand. They were like anyone in New Zealand at the time: farmers, soldiers, and gold miners. I was told to vote National because they are good for the economy, and they bring lots of money into the country. I never really questioned this growing up; I just believed my parents and did exactly that. When Obama won I was in college and I did not really think much of it. I was too absorbed in my young self. Which is an all too common thing nowadays. I was aware of race and differences in culture because it was blatantly obvious growing up. I grew up in a pretty homogeneous town outside a city. But the surrounding towns were very enriched with “diversity” and “culture”. We stayed out of those towns for those reasons. They were dangerous for white people, and they were not safe. This is still the case today even with all the government’s attempts at brainwashing the public into believing diversity is our strength. I went to a nice public school, played sports, and did everything a normal kid would do. I managed to graduate from university and become the wage-slave that I was told to become growing up. That was my future: working in an office and being prescribed simple hits of dopamine. To put it bluntly, I was just an everyday New Zealander not really thinking much and going along with the system and what it prescribes. People might say you shouldn’t blame other people for your problems when growing up. But if the well in the village is poisoned, the whole village suffers.
As the stream of information progressed more and more information was coming to light about things I had never even seen or heard of throughout my life. I found many of these things to be truly shocking. The lies that were force-fed to me by the liberal establishment growing up were being shown for what they were and disproved instantly. I felt energised and like a new man. I was speaking openly about these things, and I was making progress. I knew something was very wrong in our society and I needed answers. Then Brenton Tarrant’s attack happened and this set the motion for the next two years. It changed the conversation instantly that day. The window of discourse shifted to an even gayer place than I could ever imagine. It was no longer about real issues everyday New Zealanders face, but it shifted to a place in which saying mean things should be banned and a new state-enforced policing practice to enforce vague and subjective laws.
Friends and family started parroting the all too familiar talking points from the establishment. I then noticed some of my favourite content creators on YouTube were getting banned for no valid reason. They had the wrong type of opinion. It started off slowly then progressed to a flood. Luckily alt-tech platforms at the time took them with open arms and they still manage to put out vital information to their audiences. It was becoming harder to speak out about certain things during this time. For a while, I felt like another lost soul who lacked meaning in their life, watching my homeland slowly being destroyed and not being able to do anything about it. The rhetoric from these people got worse and worse. Our supposed side in government no longer did anything. They passed and/or ignored insane laws, promoted contemptible degeneracy, and lacked the courage to do anything. It was a hard one to swallow it seemed pointless for a while. I was watching a slow-motion car crash that was my country and its future. I and any sane person could see what the New Zealand state was doing was suicidal. We literally had, and still have, members of our government working against New Zealand’s interests. The answer they seemed to have for everything was celebrating more diversity and globalisation, and therefore degeneracy. I felt like I needed to do something about this sad reality.
One of the first things I needed to do was self improve and return to the natural order of things. That started off with constantly exercising, which included more cardio. I was very much into lifting heavy weights, but improving my cardiovascular health really made me feel good. It was then about removing negative influences on my soul. I made an effort to stop any and all forms of degenerative behaviors that clouded my mental state. Cleaning up your life is a major step. Being pure in the mind and spirit helps with decision-making. I started reading books every week. One of the best pieces of advice I learned was that we are not smarter than our ancestors. We have an array of knowledge that our ancestors discovered and wrote down many years ago. Ancient ideas are just as relevant today as they were in the past. This provided me with an improved perspective. Cutting down on excessive consuming and only buying what I needed. Hyper-consumerism is one of the main reasons this neoliberal system not only survives but thrives.
It started with me and reducing my impact. Getting out in nature and our surrounding environment. We will never fully conquer nature with technology, so getting involved with it and understanding it better is key to becoming a healthier person. I also sought to strengthen my relationship with my family. Your tribe or people will always be there for you. Family can be tough when it comes to our way of thinking. It’s not worth falling out over. Be patient with your family, and they will come round to see the world for what it is. I met my wife, the love of my life, during this process of change. My wife is a woman who makes a make a great partner and we will do well raising our children. The next generation, who speak and act like us, is going to be vital.
Finally, I surrounded myself with like-minded people. I started off locally with people I knew and trusted. Then I progressed and sought bigger groups out. This is key: as individuals, we fall, as a collective, we stand. Think of the Vikings’ shield wall, Roman testudo, or Greek phalanx; as a collective, they were seemingly unbeatable. The goal of our enemies is to break this collectivism; to attempt to break the bond that we nationalists share. All of these tactics we see today from our enemies are to attempt to do just this.
So here I am today. An improved person from when I started this journey. I see a future, have no regrets at all, and I will be in this fight for as long as I can be. I feel I have come to a form of enlightenment and I have never been happier. To conclude, I see we currently live in a nation that dilutes the blood and sells the soil. But that can change in an instant. Remember that. That is why I fight.